Try to be nice to people, you might hurt someone without realising
By Bhekani Dube
In my entire life, I have sacrificed some of my time in motivating other people to do good, and counselled a lot who were about to take their lives. Writing books alone cannot reach every soul that is needy, so I do socialize with a lot of people who in turn trust me and share their life problems.
This week I would like to share with you how my music reached someone and we talked about life till he disclosed this to me;
*Killemol (aka King Rodney Mpofu) talks about Mental health.*
“Mr Dube, the worst wound is the one you can’t see. Nothing hurts more than words.” says King Rodney.
“Emotional stress and pain is the worst kind of pain. During the lockdown My beautiful smile was fooling everyone into thinking that I am fine, but honestly I’ve been a wounded soul slowly suffocating…”
As he was narrating his story, I played him one of my tracks that says “Eyomndeni kayingenwa,” which talks about family matters. It is not good to intervene on squabbles of blood brothers, when they fix their differences, you will seen as one caused their problems.
Despite all this, he is a very strong person psychological. He went on to tell me this painful part of his story.
“I now appreciate every moment of my life, because at some point the hardest thing to do was to wake up and look in the mirror, I didn’t like what I had become. I never asked for help from anyone, because there were too many voices in my head. I wanted to be alone and my other part wanted to mingle with people at the same time.
Internet has become good friend
I cried so much alone, couldn’t sleep each and every night. As a musician, I stopped doing my music or do anything proper, I was really emotionally broken, spiritually down. So I took this time to tell you that mental health is real.”
I told him about my book entitled “MY PAINFUL SECRET”, how the main character ended up killing the person who had robbed her of her happiness. Only because she didn’t share her story to offload the burden in her heart. He understood and he continued to share his story.
“Internet became my best friend, writing was my first love, music was my medication, family was my drug. I craved for their love, their attention I wanted them to see through my smile but like cocaine, they left me worse than I was before. I have 3 friends who almost committed suicide, I always said to them, that’s not an option if you need a friend, I’m here in whatever you need, I will be of help.
I understood their pain, because I had lived with it for years, hence I had never solved my own problem. It is very difficult to want to live in this world when life is handling you some lemons. our least accommodating society when you say I’m depressed, they only say be strong, go to church and will continue reminding you that your generation is so weak.
This is that time I became suicidal. I used to utter it as a joke about taking my life. In reality I wasn’t joking, I was figuring which method is the least painful one.
Going through the pain
I googled the easiest way to kill yourself on internet. Ironically I loved the painful one for a very simple reason, I wanted to feel nothing other than the wound I can’t nurse.
Just maybe, if I cut myself a bit at least I can see the wound. So a few friends were paying attention and they asked what was wrong?
They even asked me to speak out, because I used to say to them, I’m ok I’m King Killemol, nothing can shift my focus. Instead I became even worse than what they were seeing in me. I have got music, and it keeps me sane till I hate loving it as it exposes my darkest thoughts.
I knew I needed help, my mental health wasn’t at its best. I can’t afford to go to therapy and I was not brave enough to face whatever it is that broke me. So I relied on the internet. Online tests to show whether you are suicidal, or anxiety or depression.
I had the critical points that I found on Google, after taking the tests, it recommended to me therapists but obviously not the people from Zimbabwe, Zimbabwe suggested suicidal hotlines.
I researched what helps, and noticed the first step is accepting that you have a mental illness. Then you can help yourself and ask for help. Luckily for me, I got too much pride, so I couldn’t kill myself, I would rather go through the pain and succeed than give people who hated me the satisfaction to see how I break down.
So many times, I was close, just too close to give up. I was always hearing the echoes of depression knocking and I couldn’t say no to it. Anxiety became my normal lifestyle.
I quit my job because I had to focus on the music business. In 2019 I released “Nomasonto”, and Not Nice and they were all topping charts in different stations. 2020 I released Wuraya which talks of killing every bad thing that ever hurt you.
A changed person
Currently worked with Qeqeshiwe Mntambo on *I tried* another chat topper staying for number 1 on different station, and I was amazed how many people can relate to pain. I wanted a break away from life, break away from everyone who knows me.
Now I found something that almost completes me. I got music I mediate, practice, write, and I talk to friends and day by day it goes better.
What other artists can learn from you
I’m a changed person, witnessing abuse and being abused as well makes the healing would bleed more. When you sent me your poetic music, I then realised I can still pick up my broken pieces and resort to writing. If I write down my feelings, I accept that this happened to me but it’s not my fault and it doesn’t define my well being.
I am a strong person, I am a King of my future, all is upon my hands and I have people to talk to when it gets too much and I ll talk to people through my music.
My brother, mental health can crush your life. Your love life, professional life, can be destroyed. Living in such tough times like during this pandemic that continuously diminishes economy, all plans went down the drain and you are exposed to the reality of life.
We used to have shows where we used to get money, hope was taken away, hence thanking and realizing the gift of life whilst others catch Covid or lost their loved ones. I had people checking upon me, I had a job and I was encouraged to sell music on online stores thus emotional stress lessened a bit.”
Ok Mr Rodney, may you conclude your emotional story by encouraging other artists out there who may be in such a situation, but not knowing what to do?
“Thanks Mr Dube, all I can say is, pay attention to people, it’s not easy saying I’m in pain when you don’t have a physical wound. At times there are no words to express yourself, you just need to know you are not alone.
Because when you are alone, that’s when you hear secret voices encouraging you to hurt yourself and take away any positivity in life. So please try to be nice to people, you might hurt someone without realising. Thanks so much, that’s all I can say.”
Killemol (aka King Rodney Mpofu) is a Bulawayo based musician*
Compiled and written by Bhekani Dube the poet. He is an avid reader and follower of The Sunday Express. Contact him at 062 651 3392
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